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Say Wednesday's, and Misty could take Fridays. That will leaveRebecca with Mondays and you won't lose all of your free time withJacob."It sounded great, I was already being included as a valuable member ofthe Clan. Of course she'd be coming up here every Wednesday to helpteach, but she wanted to discuss it with Jake first.+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++We stayed much later than last time, and I was sure it was because Ihadn't gotten myself plastered on Spring Water. I was. Stood there waiting. I was afraid and excited, both at the same time. What if I'd guessed wrong? It was possible that I was kidding myself here. Was this like an ant trying to rape an elephant? Every second that I waited seemed so much longer than that to me. By the time that I'd begun to be convinced that I had been right, and the voice would have to deal with me on a more equal footing, I started sensing that I was all alone again. I couldn't feel his presence with me at all. Silence. But I guess it is what it is. It was going on eight pm so I just decided to lay down and watch some tv before I fade away to sleep. I knew that the sooner I fell asleep the sooner morning would come and I could finally feel my mothers warm touch again. My mom came home a little after 11 and noticed how clean the living room and dining room was. She was suprised to see how much I had done thats for sure. She then walked up stairs and past my bedroom door, while walking past she glanced in and. Total surrender. How can one just surrender their thoughts, their senses? I go through the days of my regular life having to be serious, stay serious… stay in control of myself. Coolly dealing with the realities of life. How then do I surrender myself? The very thought of doing this awakens something in me that has lain dormant. I WANT IT! To not be bound by anything, to explore and be explored. To discover and be discovered, mind… body… soul… all senses. Oh, the allure! The attraction of just.
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